September Continued....

ptember 2:

In the character of Saskia, I have booked a hair cut and a very cool, out of the way hairdressers.

Gang Hairdressers, 9am.

Considering Saskia, a lady that doesn't want to be rushed, I have been making adjustments to her sense of time, and her movement in relation to that.  So:  slowing her down, making her moves deliberate and not fussy.  Not thoughtful in a zen way, but non-apologetic. She puts her bag down where she wants, places her jacket where she likes...not trying to 'hide' them or put them in a spot 'out of the way'.  Not hiding herself.  So, no nervous little jumps and steps.  

She trusts that they will call her when they are ready for her, so she flips through the mags and clothes that were there without looking up, trying to work out what's going on with everyone.  They do their thing, she does her thing.

Answers to hairdressers questions, lets call him Ben:  Sort n Sweet.  Direct.

Some dialogue between us:

He asked me who I knew to find out about the place.  She says Holly.

He asks how we meet?  Reply: a strange set of circumstances.  He laughs

She mentions she hasn't been here for a while.  Wants light hair, light and fluffy.  And make-up to match.  Does he have any suggestions?

He  asks What did you do on friday?  I walked.  I walked around the city.  Its all new.

He asks do you think you're back for good? I am definitely back for now.

What do you do?  I teach  ESL.

Where?  WEA, at schools.  

He said there was a place opening up next door for ESL classes.  Thanks for the tip I said.

What else do you do?  I don't know.  I'm searching.

She asks: When did you know you wanted to be a hairdresser?  When was the time you knew?  He laughs.  Since I was 7.  I always knew I wanted to be a hairdresser.

Did you enjoy going to the hairdressers?  Yeah I loved it.  I had crazy shit in my hair.  It was blue. 

Your  parents must of been something to be ok with you doing that?  Yeah they were. They let me go.  My parents are awesome.  My dad's coming in later with cupcakes.

That is cool.

He comes from Peterborough (a small, now ghost railway town).

She  asks:  How did Peterborough cope with your hair? He laughs.  They coped just fine.

She asks:  Is Adelaide, is here, home?  Yeah, it is this is me.

He mentioned a brother.  I asked about him, is he settled?  Yeah, he is.  Now.  Its taken him a while.  He studied 3 different things at uni, travelled the world... but he's got it now.  He's a journo.

Sas: I'm like your brother. I'm a searcher.  You're a knower.  I'm a searcher and then when the searcher becomes found, they become a knower.  Will he stay?

Ben:  I don't know.  I think he wants to move to LA or San Fran.  Work with some of his contacts there.

Ben loved his family.  He said they were awesome.  They were the strange ones in town. Sas said she could relate.  He was good at sport, so was his bro, and they got by ok on that.

Saskia felt curious more than pained about this guy who loves his job, is happy with his family and feels he is at home.  Things she doesn't really.  Curious and accepting.  She didn't look for cracks under his surface.

She didn't chit chat, thinks before she speaks.  Cautious not to be too friendly, too keep it light, to keep it unlike myself.

She felt contained in the chair, captured.  Helped by this by putting arms on the arm rests, spreading out a little, legs raised, playing with flexing the feet in front of her.

Ben:  Why are you back?

Sas: It's time.  And I needed to see my gran.

Vocal choice:  To speak as though she is talking to ESL students.  No slang, slightly lower voice.  Someone who has been talking a little in another language for a while.

Daisy Brown joins us today.

Kitchen impro, after hairdressers: Previous to this.  Saskia had text Sally to let her know she was going to Sydney and she could have as much loud sex as she wanted.

A note  on the kitchen table:  Thanks heaps for the loud sex permission! Your mum rang again...

First thought:  Ok ok, I get it.  I'll call her.

Aware of a resistance towards mum.  How does this make here think about his family in relation to hers?...His position really is curious to her.  He is it, he has the  life situation.  He thinks they're awesome, he's home, he's happy.  He knew what he wanted to do since he was 7.  She thinks its interesting that he has that, it is a reality.

WOULD she tell anyone this story of her morning?  She's happy to keep it to herself, its enough that she knows.

Discovery: Saskia has a disbelief that the idea of home is really possible.  Not a brain belief but a deeper one.

From Daisy: Saskia seems like a girl on display. Spaces consistently seem too small for her.  She drew a small picture on a notepad in the kitchen, and even that has a birds eye view of the table and the things on it.

sms from Jordon, Saskia's brother:  Have you called mum yet? Hope your good, sir j

From the text she felt lonely.  She felt alone.

Talking with Daisy and Holly after, about whether she's more comfortable in public or private spaces, and I found that I was resisting the obvious answer.  Yes, she is more comfortable in public spaces.  I, emma, am more comfortable in private space.  And I believe, rightly or wrongly, that it is stronger to be more comfortable in private space. I think because I spent many of my teenage and early 20's NOT feeling like that.  These little things inside you can stop you from making character choices, so when they come up, best to get them out in the open and out of the way.

Yes, she is more comfortable in public space.

From a chat with Daisy and Holly after: Realisations.  Thoughts.  

Mum- It would have been incredibly difficult traveling overseas with a young family, not speaking another language, at an older age.  Her loneliness.

It's  been 2 years since they has christmas together.

The relationship between Saskia and Jordon... there's certainly a lot of differences between them.  He's settled, with family.  It seems that Saskia's definition of settled or not settled is pretty black and white.  A bit of me in that.

Repetition 'that's cool' in the hairdressers.  And that was a meaningful comment from Saskia.  She really meant that.

Improvisation at The Lipton cafe, following on in real time from the kitchen:

- view of the day, she was a little flat, a little grumpy... needing to call mum, being faced with questions of stability i.e. being with a very settled presence and then her being very unsettled.

- over time, slipped in with being comfortable, for the drug of the distraction to come on board.  To become interested in what was going on around her, not inside her.

- another text from Jordon:  while you're at it drop ur gran a line madam s.  sir j x  : it was kinda funny, a smile, defensiveness over grandma.  as in, 'as if i wouldn't call grandma.' Drop her a line i took as give her a call.

- it there was the technical potential for gran to be on the other side of the line, then Saskia probably would of called

- with the staff at the cafe:  Saskia asked about the artwork, picked up the artists card.  yeah, she liked the art.  it looked good in the space. She asked if they change over the artist?  Waitress said, 'Yeah. Why do you ask?  Do you know someone (an artist)? Reply: Not yet.

- Found a ring in Saskia's purse while paying for the peppermint tea, so asked the waitress which ring is the ring finger?  And the woman said the left hand.  The waitress went on to tell her how the ring ringer has a nerve that is connected all the way to the heart.  Saskia thought that was nice, that it made good sense.

- If there had of been time, I think Saskia would have ordered another cup of tea, just to sit & get comfortable with herself again.  Her relaxing time is being in public, looking, forgetting.  Forgetting what I'm not quite sure what yet.  On one level, simple things like the phonecall to mum.  On another, not sure what she's going to do next. This 'what next' is a constant theme.  Its usually more of a general question, but this time it was more loaded.

Thoughts from Daisy:

It seemed, at the beginning that she was gracing the cafe with my presence, but by the end she blended in with the wall she was leaning against.  She seemed like she was from overseas, and not from here. (local and Australia.)

Daisy wants to know what her secrets are, what lies beneath the locked door.

Her speech almost sounds like a script already.  She's telling a story through her interactions, by putting herself back into a picture.

She's so head, where is her heart?

She's watching the world like she's listening to a soundtrack, which then implies its like a movie.

She marks out her territory (like when she was sitting on the bench at the cafe), so there's an awkwardness about her interactions with the world, but she doesn't need anything, she doesn't hang on to anything.

Why is she detached?  Why is she detaching?

She can sum up visual images of Saskia, but there is no sense of her inner self.

Where and what is her content?

What is the material making her up?

Make her have a bad day.  Where's she's late for everything and how does that change her? What is she protecting herself from?

What is in her heart?  Every life has drama.

From me

The interactions so far have been on a surface, public level so far.  We have been going from the outside in, which is good, and the next stage is to take myself some personal places with her.

From Holly for Sydney:

Holly wants me to find what parts of Saskia does she access when she's away?  How is being in Sydney, made up of outsiders, the 'international' city, impact on her? What happens to her sense of confinement? It would be good to get some images of her in Sydney.

Email from Daisy about impressions of Saskia:

Saskia is an interesting character.

At this point -  and you really are at an early stage - she has only just returned 'home' - only to find that it really doesn’t have that 'home' feel. She's searching, longing for something - unsure of what that is. She's displaced, awkwad in her suroundings. Perched was a great description of her. She seems to have lost her personal identiy, not participating in life but ratther observing. Maybe a by product of the process or her thru line of traveling without grounding or its just her in the early stages of discovery.

I imaging her watching the world while listening to her favourite music, a soundtrack to watch the world by. I can see her sitting, looking out a window, contemplating, with a camera circling, creating that famous 360 movie shot. Someone alone, with a sence of mystery.

She's engaging, commnads a second look, elegant, strong, loyal, a little awkrard in spaces/with objects like a baby giraffe trying to play tea parties with a table a rabbits. - if you get me!!

She seems to carry herself as quite elitist but she isnt. Almost like she's climbed the tallest ladder to proctect herself from something or the unknown!

She marks out her perosonal space, isnt attached to belongings , trusts that she has done nothing wrong - karma will protect her. She doent cling to things, doesn’t get too attached but what then do she hold onto?

She has clear responces to people, summorising their visual persona. She doesn’t feel threatened but I imagine she's defensive is provoked. She's inquisative, likes to ask questions, likes to listen, likes to open her awearness of other people and how they view the world.

When speaking about herself she leaves cues for people to piece together. I like this, it makes the audience active, wanting…

I imagine she loves a good argument,just for the sake of it- that would be great to explore!

 

Questions?

What are her secrets?

What are her unpspoken truths?

What are they rules she lives by? - and when does she break them?

What are the things that she thinks but would never say to people?

What are her achievememts?

What is her oulet? Her release?

Whar and how does she loose control? - that would be great to see?

What is she afaid of?

She resopnds with 'that’s cool' and mean it - but what challeneges her, what is at her emotional core, what gets under her skin, what makes he laugh, giggle, cry? Why is she so measured at such a young age?

Shake her up. - You have time. Challenge her throughout your process - ride her journey but dony let her take over.

Just thoughts. We discussed most of them today in the debrief. I don’t know her like you do - take what you like. But have an awsome time doing it babe- cant wiat to see her grow!