Saskia's rEaL Time

more jewels...

2008-10-05T19:20:00.001-07:00

Photobucket Album

respponses to q n a with Holly

2008-10-05T19:18:00.001-07:00

Photobucket Album

from 1st Holly Q & A

2008-10-05T18:53:00.000-07:00

this is a summary of all the bits we found interesting, under titles:

things NOT saskia.

+ descriptions that back-up statements of opinion. e.g 'why ari appeals to her? - that he fits an idea.' that's an emma comment. This statement isn't something she would say. Saskia doesn't need to justify.

+ again, she doesn't doesn't justify beliefs and choices in her life apologetically.

+ she doesn't think her father was a good man and she wouldn't lie about that fact to make friends or other people, or herself, comfortable. There is no need to make things cosy. 'If you can't be good to your family, who can you be good to?'

+ Ari and her have never really broken up because they've never really been together.

vocal notes:

+ watch Spanish videos, news, u-tube. get more of a sense of the language.

+ practice having a reason to chat on the land line to people like sensis, telstra, information lines. the rhythm she speaks with and the style she interacts with is a good key in to her. Its also important for any interaction we put into the final work. Her style.

+ thoughts about how her voice sounds in Spain, what does she like about the Spanish accent, what does she want to keep, how does she converse as Saskia with all the Spanish stuff in mind.

+ has come to across as someone who absolutely knows, she knows what she's doing, a good interviewer... a well read t.v presenter. When you are talking to her, you feel you're getting a little secret just for you.

ari and love

+ love of life he does

+ saskia hasn't had a lot of relationships, moving around, constantly changing languages, what has her moving done actually?... but her sense of being close, from this moving, from dad, has been skewed a little. Her parents didn't touch much, show the lovey affection, and so she has become really good as being friends with both girls and boys, men and women. Every man is not a potential lover.

+ she is aware of being attractive and looking good BUT looking good & intimacy do not go hand in had. Appearance is appreciated but not indicative of her inner emotions for someone... she doesn't want to kiss everyone who had done a good job of putting themselves together basically.

+ doesn't have the same 'we are the same soul' because we both look good

+ she loves ari's stories about family, and his relationship to family

+ both Ari and Saskia don't think the other loves them, both don't want to interrupt each other...MORE they don't want to say they care, and take the risk of changing what they have or driving the other away.

+ the trip to Australia has put a safe distance between them. But safe for what? what is next? how long can you go NOT telling someone you love them?

+ Spain in her place, not her family's place.

what does he love about her?

+ that she gets embarrassed when someone gives her a compliment that comes from a loving place.

+ passion for what she sees, for her constant brain photography, seeing beauty in things instantly that many others either don't or need time to find i.e paint on the pavement, a wall in a toilet.

+ he believes this is because is she sees beauty then it is in her soul.

+ so loyal to her friends. very little is more important that their needs

+ she doesn't burden anyone with stuff she can really work out herself.

+ she shows him the pictures, explains her POV and she doesn't do that with many. He feels chosen.

+ he doesn't buy her bull shit as much as the others... he knows when she is showing her self, when she feels at home.

+ he'll help her fall

+ gets to the heart of what she wants to do and he doesn't make her know the he knows that!

+ he un-locks big parts of her. even if she doesn't communicate them, he knows it to be true. it shows in her pictures.

parents and family

+ father has dies, saskia has questions, she knows that a trip to her mums place for any longer than 2 days means she's going to start asking. She really doesn't know who he was, or what the good parts of him were.

+ Mum & Bro don't live in Bordertown. They live in a small, beach-side location, like Millicent... Bondi connection.

+ Grandma is dads mum, but still lives close to them.

+ Her relationship with her brother is deeply respectful.

+ Dad was cremated and the ashes sent to Grandma.

on clothes:

+ Need to learn fashion lingo...'funky' is not a word she would use (and not a word anyone should use according to Holly).

+ Google fashion Terminology and lingo.. she would know what she was talking about in the clothes department.

dancing style:

+ more dance-y movements, not so constructed. Take some dance classes, she would know how to dance with someone else.

saskia travels

2008-10-04T17:50:00.001-07:00

i took quite a few photos in sydney, and now when i look through them, i can say... that's her, that's me, that's me... that's almost her but not quite. the visual reference to developing a character is kind of really the outside looking in... distant. but its also kind of intimate to, like being able to look in a mirror when you are filming a scene and not think, 'oh my god, that's me, acting.' but this is her.

everything Saskia isn't...

2008-10-04T17:24:00.000-07:00

we watched the filming of Saskia walking around the city. 3 times. After watching, Holly and I sat on the couch, silent. I was pale.

'So, what do you think?' miss holly asks.

'Oh dear. That's not Saskia. We don't have her, she's not there'

This was a head on turning point. It was such a disappointment... i was in a bit of a theatrical panic at that point. i was lost back in the abyss. i have a need to latch on to the known and i want to know the known as soon as possible so then i can begin to head everything towards the package of the performance. then its controlled and i can't fuck it up. its fear pretty much, plain and simple. Watching the footage, then reading through some writing exercises, then looking through some pictures, it came clearly and distilled what Saskia isn't...

I know what she's not.

She's not a sad soul

She's not a boring party

She's not woe is me, she is not angst or brown or beige.

She's not your average aussie

She's not lonely (but she has some love she is missing out on)

She's not someone you can see her pain on, she has a fantastic mask and that is what will make getting underneath it through all the other sensory tools available will be an interesting experience in any way for the viewers. If there's nothing to find, what is the fun in snooping?

Holly has been running some question and answer sessions with me as Saskia. They are on the couch therapy style with a blindfold. These have been a rich source of information, emotion and after our time spent finding the ins and outs of her aesthetic, trying walks, shoes and interactions on for size, these quiet sessions have worked well with coming up with some answers and a lot of questions. We've recorded these and as soon as I find a way to upload those files, then that I will.

Saskia Dances to PJ Harvey. Alone.

2008-09-14T22:10:00.001-07:00

Saskia in Sydney Space

2008-09-14T17:28:00.001-07:00

Saskia Dances to her own tune:

2008-09-14T17:19:00.001-07:00

September 10, Tasking with Julie

2008-09-11T04:57:00.000-07:00

Writing Tasks
These were great. The question of the heart, where is the heart? we've found the beginnings of that. First thing in the space, coffee, then 20 minutes with This morning I... then 30 with I'm sorry I....
When Julie came in, she set me up a white room in the space with my stills camera recording and I did a confessional style read of what I had written, pretty blank, kinda like Saskia really. When we watched them back, there she was.
From watching both of the pieces it has come clear that there was a massive communication breakdown in her family and no is talking (to her). Not really talking about things that matter because she seems so in control. People have stopped looking any deeper then she gives.

Julie gave two words as a means of investigating form... her interior and exterior worlds. Moving from the exterior to the interior through the final work. This feels right.

Her internal is all perhaps mediated through media, her exterior through life performance.

This has set up a weekly theme. Julie will now send me a question for Saskia that I have to do a writing exercise for and then record in the same way. Excellent.
The question for this is (in terms of audience): Who are these answers to the questions directed at? Are they for her, or another person? who is that person? Maybe we never find out who that is. No one writes without wanting someone to read it, and the same deal applies here. She is a personal lady, with a big group of acquaintances and a small, tiny group of close friends who really know what's going on.

Julie thinks, i agree, that saskia's MySpace page will be personal, but removed... it is still the extension of her exterior construct. And what is her exterior construct?

Pages and pages of construct, a finely tuned performance of her inner self.

To think on: Continue with the photos. Keep collecting them whenever I see something that might be a maybe. Then by the end I have a big image document that I can choose from.. and find more of Saskia's aesthetic. Start thinking about who the photos are being taken for...'this' person? for this person, they are a little more personal. They might have a shared personal aesthetic, a log of photos for this person which is all about, and revealing of, their relationship.

JOB? Perhaps curator of a gallery.

BIG qUESTION: What is the event? There is an event, a significant moment, what is it?

More on discovering 'this' person, this person she has the deep relationship with:
+ make a play list for 'this' person
+ collect advertisements for music gigs, leaflets, mags, things she might send to 'this', i was here, wanting to go there, thought of you, etc.
+ she has come out, revealed her heart in Sydney because going to Sydney is an interior act.
on her:
- keep browsing the web for things of interest, BLOGS she would read, travel info for the place 'this' person lives, or from where she has been, artists she follows, music. Start a bookmark browser for stuff that is Saskia.

Dancing Impro:
Chose a song, played in on the ipod, julie set up the camera and then again, left me to dance to the song. After, when we were watching it, we agreed that it was dancing for a public space, and I realised that in my mind actually i was at a concert dancing her.... i want to do this again, but her 'dancing' in private space. We both had an image of her private dancing being very quiet. maybe on a couch.

I've got a name for the show. No one's talking

q & a task
Julie wrote a series of questions which we recorded on an audio file. What came from that was that she her most intimate moments, her sharing of those moments, are through the stories of her spending time with people, like her gran. A strong sense of the relationship between saskia and gran came out during this.
+It is talking about grandma & how they spend time together that her humour and joy come out. I will post those question soon, julie is sending them to me.

today big and good. record everything in one way or another. a resource lesson today.

My lounge POV

2008-09-09T18:49:00.000-07:00

September 9, with Julie V

2008-09-09T18:47:00.000-07:00

September 9, afternoon, in the space and with Julie:

First hiccup was getting into the space itself. Bek, one of the runners of Bill + George, the space I'm working in, was totally tired and I got into the space late. Which was good, because I got lots of plays from Playwriting Australia. I'm telling a story, and I'm going to read more plays that tell stories.

Bek and I had a coffee, talked more about what is happening in and around Sydney, which was great. The space is very cool and right... it actually feels like we're in Spain. Really. The light, the outlook, the feel.

W Julie V:

We chatted about Finale, the show she was in. a crazy, loud, experiential work that made no sense in a fantastic way and was like being in a Peter Greenaway film. Colours, images, rawness, gross-ness, food, tits, bodies in a big space with lots of people. Great hearing about her process, how everyone who makes something at some point thinks they have nothing and then from that they really start to have something.

Questions / Thoughts / Tasks arising from chats with Julie:

Is it an exchange with audience and performance where they give something over, or where we give them something?

+ its an excavation of a person... through the space.

+ when does someone feel the need, the desire, the want to tell a story? And why? when do we tell stories?

Trust and exchange......

building a trust to tell a story

Friends forwarding a private email to me, re-reading my own letters, stories.

From INfrastructure: The absent is fascinating... its what you don't say that's the hook, its the mother.

THIS reminds me that the hairdresser never asked about my dad, who I never mentioned but I mentioned other family.

What else is there about her, an illusion to an event perhaps that people can hook into?

Impro in the space, Saskia at a warehouse opening (there are artist studios in the space):

Julie's impressions:

+ definitely inquisitive, not rushed, in her own time, has confidence, but a little more reserved that she thought she'd be. Not brusque. You can hear her brain ticking as she is looking at things, putting something together but not sure what. She's not that quick to suss things out, she takes her time. Some people walk into a space and they know what it is to be there, but she doesn't. NOt worried about time. There's a calculation of her mind, there's a relationship with her looking at things.

+ Julie thinks, from the hairdresser interaction which she thinks the result of are great because they are blowing everything apart. She thinks go back into the fire and go for a pedicure, manicure... something where people are the masters of chit chat and see what they think. And go to a woman.

What has Saskia left behind? What has she moved away from... the illusion of something, is there something? What's the way in?

+ the travelers confidence.. exploring that.

+it's be great to get to the point where the BLOG is written as Saskia only.

TASK from JULIE for September 10 morn:

Writing task, as Saskia:

THIS MORNING I... every sentence starting with for 20 mins

I AM SORRY.... every sentence starting for 30 mins

Then, we'll record on my stills camera.

1sr From Sydney

2008-09-09T18:45:00.000-07:00

From Holly for Sydney:

Holly wants me to find what parts of Saskia does she access when she's away? How is being in Sydney, made up of outsiders, the 'international' city, impact on her? What happens to her sense of confinement? It would be good to get some images of her in Sydney.

September 8 and the Morning of September 9

Bondi, Sydney

Today was the the day of the freak.

I got the feedback from the hairdresser and he thought she was freaky. I think he thought that she was something along the lines of 'the freaky friend of Holly's'. This opinion came from my longest impro and interaction with another person, and from a person who had no idea I was doing an impro.

This was not quite the impression I thought she's make. I kinda wanted her to be on the outside but had no idea that she had gone so far out on the outside to the point of being creepy. He also found her kinda boring because she never revealed anything about herself.

First thoughts were that I felt terrible that I'd freaked out this lovely man. The next thoughts were that I was a bad actor making some bad choices by freaking people out, at the same time thinking about how it is to play a character that people don't like and don't know how to deal with. Next thoughts came about were that I don't have a story, I don't have a drama... and I need one. I need more on her intimate life.

Again... where is her heart? What is behind it all?

So, out of the panic of that feedback, the general failure feeling, it also made me question the very things I need to and get to explore her inner life. And the time to do that is now. Out of crisis comes...

So, I'm out walking. In Bondi. Holiday and backpacker heaven, looking at what people are doing, how they're talking, what kind of people they are, going into net cafes, working a little. No one looks at me twice except to work out if I'm single. People are cheer-sing with white wines and fags at 3 in the afternoon, settling in for a good time. I walk into a bookshop, looking absentmindedly, a lady stands and says to me 'Emma?'... I take a moment. 'Emily?'. Emily is a friend of a friend of mine who has moved from Adelaide, is living in Bondi, with her husband and new child. We get into chat about living in Adelaide vs living in Sydney, what that means, how's she's doing, the isolation of having a new born in a new town where she doesn't know many people, does she want to go back to Adelaide? Does she want to stay? Will I stay? What's happening?

We met for coffee this morning. Talked some more about our lives. She told me about a cool project she did with her husband and two Indigenous ladies from country SA. They came to Sydney to record a story of their experience. Emily had recorded her own story, which she said was a really great experience.. telling a story to someone who really wants to hear... and she was to then encourage and facilitate these ladies to do the same. They overwhelmed with Sydney. One of the ladies was just 27. She went and had her hair cut. She doesn't say much. The hairdresser tried to get some more words from her about what style she's like, that surely she must know at least what she hasn't liked before is she doesn't know what she would like. She said that she never had a haircut before.

Emily said that after finally getting her to tell a story on camera, she changed, she opened, she had confidence. That act of telling a story is a very I guess meaningful exchange. it gives you life, if puts you in life. That's what I wanted to do with this piece, but use other forms of media and space to 1. tell a story. 2. allow the audience from a story to make the conclusions on a life.

2008-09-06T18:56:00.000-07:00

September Continued....

2008-09-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

ptember 2:

In the character of Saskia, I have booked a hair cut and a very cool, out of the way hairdressers.

Gang Hairdressers, 9am.

Considering Saskia, a lady that doesn't want to be rushed, I have been making adjustments to her sense of time, and her movement in relation to that. So: slowing her down, making her moves deliberate and not fussy. Not thoughtful in a zen way, but non-apologetic. She puts her bag down where she wants, places her jacket where she likes...not trying to 'hide' them or put them in a spot 'out of the way'. Not hiding herself. So, no nervous little jumps and steps.

She trusts that they will call her when they are ready for her, so she flips through the mags and clothes that were there without looking up, trying to work out what's going on with everyone. They do their thing, she does her thing.

Answers to hairdressers questions, lets call him Ben: Sort n Sweet. Direct.

Some dialogue between us:

He asked me who I knew to find out about the place. She says Holly.

He asks how we meet? Reply: a strange set of circumstances. He laughs

She mentions she hasn't been here for a while. Wants light hair, light and fluffy. And make-up to match. Does he have any suggestions?

He asks What did you do on friday? I walked. I walked around the city. Its all new.

He asks do you think you're back for good? I am definitely back for now.

What do you do? I teach ESL.

Where? WEA, at schools.

He said there was a place opening up next door for ESL classes. Thanks for the tip I said.

What else do you do? I don't know. I'm searching.

She asks: When did you know you wanted to be a hairdresser? When was the time you knew? He laughs. Since I was 7. I always knew I wanted to be a hairdresser.

Did you enjoy going to the hairdressers? Yeah I loved it. I had crazy shit in my hair. It was blue.

Your parents must of been something to be ok with you doing that? Yeah they were. They let me go. My parents are awesome. My dad's coming in later with cupcakes.

That is cool.

He comes from Peterborough (a small, now ghost railway town).

She asks: How did Peterborough cope with your hair? He laughs. They coped just fine.

She asks: Is Adelaide, is here, home? Yeah, it is this is me.

He mentioned a brother. I asked about him, is he settled? Yeah, he is. Now. Its taken him a while. He studied 3 different things at uni, travelled the world... but he's got it now. He's a journo.

Sas: I'm like your brother. I'm a searcher. You're a knower. I'm a searcher and then when the searcher becomes found, they become a knower. Will he stay?

Ben: I don't know. I think he wants to move to LA or San Fran. Work with some of his contacts there.

Ben loved his family. He said they were awesome. They were the strange ones in town. Sas said she could relate. He was good at sport, so was his bro, and they got by ok on that.

Saskia felt curious more than pained about this guy who loves his job, is happy with his family and feels he is at home. Things she doesn't really. Curious and accepting. She didn't look for cracks under his surface.

She didn't chit chat, thinks before she speaks. Cautious not to be too friendly, too keep it light, to keep it unlike myself.

She felt contained in the chair, captured. Helped by this by putting arms on the arm rests, spreading out a little, legs raised, playing with flexing the feet in front of her.

Ben: Why are you back?

Sas: It's time. And I needed to see my gran.

Vocal choice: To speak as though she is talking to ESL students. No slang, slightly lower voice. Someone who has been talking a little in another language for a while.

Daisy Brown joins us today.

Kitchen impro, after hairdressers: Previous to this. Saskia had text Sally to let her know she was going to Sydney and she could have as much loud sex as she wanted.

A note on the kitchen table: Thanks heaps for the loud sex permission! Your mum rang again...

First thought: Ok ok, I get it. I'll call her.

Aware of a resistance towards mum. How does this make here think about his family in relation to hers?...His position really is curious to her. He is it, he has the life situation. He thinks they're awesome, he's home, he's happy. He knew what he wanted to do since he was 7. She thinks its interesting that he has that, it is a reality.

WOULD she tell anyone this story of her morning? She's happy to keep it to herself, its enough that she knows.

Discovery: Saskia has a disbelief that the idea of home is really possible. Not a brain belief but a deeper one.

From Daisy: Saskia seems like a girl on display. Spaces consistently seem too small for her. She drew a small picture on a notepad in the kitchen, and even that has a birds eye view of the table and the things on it.

sms from Jordon, Saskia's brother: Have you called mum yet? Hope your good, sir j

From the text she felt lonely. She felt alone.

Talking with Daisy and Holly after, about whether she's more comfortable in public or private spaces, and I found that I was resisting the obvious answer. Yes, she is more comfortable in public spaces. I, emma, am more comfortable in private space. And I believe, rightly or wrongly, that it is stronger to be more comfortable in private space. I think because I spent many of my teenage and early 20's NOT feeling like that. These little things inside you can stop you from making character choices, so when they come up, best to get them out in the open and out of the way.

Yes, she is more comfortable in public space.

From a chat with Daisy and Holly after: Realisations. Thoughts.

Mum- It would have been incredibly difficult traveling overseas with a young family, not speaking another language, at an older age. Her loneliness.

It's been 2 years since they has christmas together.

The relationship between Saskia and Jordon... there's certainly a lot of differences between them. He's settled, with family. It seems that Saskia's definition of settled or not settled is pretty black and white. A bit of me in that.

Repetition 'that's cool' in the hairdressers. And that was a meaningful comment from Saskia. She really meant that.

Improvisation at The Lipton cafe, following on in real time from the kitchen:

- view of the day, she was a little flat, a little grumpy... needing to call mum, being faced with questions of stability i.e. being with a very settled presence and then her being very unsettled.

- over time, slipped in with being comfortable, for the drug of the distraction to come on board. To become interested in what was going on around her, not inside her.

- another text from Jordon: while you're at it drop ur gran a line madam s. sir j x : it was kinda funny, a smile, defensiveness over grandma. as in, 'as if i wouldn't call grandma.' Drop her a line i took as give her a call.

- it there was the technical potential for gran to be on the other side of the line, then Saskia probably would of called

- with the staff at the cafe: Saskia asked about the artwork, picked up the artists card. yeah, she liked the art. it looked good in the space. She asked if they change over the artist? Waitress said, 'Yeah. Why do you ask? Do you know someone (an artist)? Reply: Not yet.

- Found a ring in Saskia's purse while paying for the peppermint tea, so asked the waitress which ring is the ring finger? And the woman said the left hand. The waitress went on to tell her how the ring ringer has a nerve that is connected all the way to the heart. Saskia thought that was nice, that it made good sense.

- If there had of been time, I think Saskia would have ordered another cup of tea, just to sit & get comfortable with herself again. Her relaxing time is being in public, looking, forgetting. Forgetting what I'm not quite sure what yet. On one level, simple things like the phonecall to mum. On another, not sure what she's going to do next. This 'what next' is a constant theme. Its usually more of a general question, but this time it was more loaded.

Thoughts from Daisy:

It seemed, at the beginning that she was gracing the cafe with my presence, but by the end she blended in with the wall she was leaning against. She seemed like she was from overseas, and not from here. (local and Australia.)

Daisy wants to know what her secrets are, what lies beneath the locked door.

Her speech almost sounds like a script already. She's telling a story through her interactions, by putting herself back into a picture.

She's so head, where is her heart?

She's watching the world like she's listening to a soundtrack, which then implies its like a movie.

She marks out her territory (like when she was sitting on the bench at the cafe), so there's an awkwardness about her interactions with the world, but she doesn't need anything, she doesn't hang on to anything.

Why is she detached? Why is she detaching?

She can sum up visual images of Saskia, but there is no sense of her inner self.

Where and what is her content?

What is the material making her up?

Make her have a bad day. Where's she's late for everything and how does that change her? What is she protecting herself from?

What is in her heart? Every life has drama.

From me

The interactions so far have been on a surface, public level so far. We have been going from the outside in, which is good, and the next stage is to take myself some personal places with her.

From Holly for Sydney:

Email from Daisy about impressions of Saskia:

Saskia is an interesting character.

At this point - and you really are at an early stage - she has only just returned 'home' - only to find that it really doesn’t have that 'home' feel. She's searching, longing for something - unsure of what that is. She's displaced, awkwad in her suroundings. Perched was a great description of her. She seems to have lost her personal identiy, not participating in life but ratther observing. Maybe a by product of the process or her thru line of traveling without grounding or its just her in the early stages of discovery.

I imaging her watching the world while listening to her favourite music, a soundtrack to watch the world by. I can see her sitting, looking out a window, contemplating, with a camera circling, creating that famous 360 movie shot. Someone alone, with a sence of mystery.

She's engaging, commnads a second look, elegant, strong, loyal, a little awkrard in spaces/with objects like a baby giraffe trying to play tea parties with a table a rabbits. - if you get me!!

She seems to carry herself as quite elitist but she isnt. Almost like she's climbed the tallest ladder to proctect herself from something or the unknown!

She marks out her perosonal space, isnt attached to belongings , trusts that she has done nothing wrong - karma will protect her. She doent cling to things, doesn’t get too attached but what then do she hold onto?

She has clear responces to people, summorising their visual persona. She doesn’t feel threatened but I imagine she's defensive is provoked. She's inquisative, likes to ask questions, likes to listen, likes to open her awearness of other people and how they view the world.

When speaking about herself she leaves cues for people to piece together. I like this, it makes the audience active, wanting…

I imagine she loves a good argument,just for the sake of it- that would be great to explore!

Questions?

What are her secrets?

What are her unpspoken truths?

What are they rules she lives by? - and when does she break them?

What are the things that she thinks but would never say to people?

What are her achievememts?

What is her oulet? Her release?

Whar and how does she loose control? - that would be great to see?

What is she afaid of?

She resopnds with 'that’s cool' and mean it - but what challeneges her, what is at her emotional core, what gets under her skin, what makes he laugh, giggle, cry? Why is she so measured at such a young age?

Shake her up. - You have time. Challenge her throughout your process - ride her journey but dony let her take over.

Just thoughts. We discussed most of them today in the debrief. I don’t know her like you do - take what you like. But have an awsome time doing it babe- cant wiat to see her grow!

September 2 cont.

2008-09-01T03:07:00.000-07:00

Lounge Room Impro:

Holly and I did a Salvo's buying impro of 3 books that we wanted for Saskia. I haven't got the titles with me, but one was a book about law in everyday life, and the other 2 were 'insight' novels into the nature of Aussie Culture in the 90's. Saskia is reading to find what being Aussie is... This impro was her getting home & having a closer look at the books.

For this one, Holly and Jane were both in for. I want to write their views on Saskia, in no particular order:

She moved the heater over to the lounge chair with her foot. Jane found this fascinating... she'd never really seen anyone treat a heater like a kinda football. It was a decisive move, and an irreverent one too.

She never really stops moving, but in the words of Holly, "Her body moves like she's doing some strange dance." For Jane, the way she moved and tapped and was while lying on the couch was somewhat reminiscent of her brother when she was 16.

At some point, Saskia became interested in the shadow her figures made against the wall. She picked up her camera and took some photos. Desire to see the photos.

She text Sally that she was going away and could have as much loud sex as she wanted for a few days. And could borrow her clothes.

She takes up room, she's loud in her quietness.

Would she wear an iPod Jane asked. We didn't think so, too taken up with the world.

The phone rang. Saskia didn't answer it. She thought it might be her mum and wasn't ready to talk. Why this choice? Her mum, after briefing about her today and getting some really clear images through of her life with her as a younger lady, is a person who is settled in her life. So very settled. And she reminds Saskia how unsettled she really is, when generally, she doesn't think about it.

Thoughts Generally:

Saskia is ready for Sydney. Buying a few bits... the bits for her bag... will happen in Wednesday so there will be something to hold onto and have when I am away that will get me into her easier.

September 1

2008-09-01T00:10:00.000-07:00

Day 4
Saskia's going to Sydney:
Why?...Was up late, checking emials from friends overseas, searching the net, got an email from a travel company with a special Sydney deal. The thought of seeing some of the fashion, art, cafes that were in the mags from Borders the other day, and hell, why not? So, a trip is booked to Sydney.

1st Impro, Kitchen, alone, morning after booking made:
Starting in the mirror which became the mirror of the bathroom, Saskia looks and tries not to judge. Tries not to look to deep into the eyes either in case she finds something there she's not really up to seeing. She puts her hand against the mirror, looks at the reflection of that, plays with it a little. It's like the image she took in front of the boat earlier that day.
I hooked on to the Spanish women I know and have met (and reflected in other Euro cultures as well) that they are not so aesthetically challenged, and that is something she has taken on. If she wants to look good, then she will. if she wants to look different then she will do something about it and not look in the mirror wondering when or how. Mostly, ya know. We all have our moments.
Getting into the kitchen and feeling dancy... light... going away light. She's used to going away, it's comfortable state of being.
Cool, coffee, thinking about mags back in the bedroom, going back there and checking what\s where + what she is going to see in Sydney. Where the best place to stay is. Check out Paddington markets, some glass exhibition, more swanning.
In the middle of this, sees the note Sally has left on the table, 'Hi sas, your mum rang. Can you give her a buzz? See you later tonight, can you grab some milk. xxx'. She groans. Why groans? Thinking if she really wants to talk to me she can call my mobile. I immediately thought that she must have called the land line for Sally to have left a message.
Writing on the piece of paper there just didn't feel quite right. Going back to bed with coffee and mag felt like more the thing Saskia would do. Would of walked outside if I could, just to check the type of day and plan where to go to, if felt like something.
Back in my room, being the chair in the middle of the floor, thought that mum would get my call later in the afternoon.

After this impro, I wanted to know more information about mum. Holly did a question and answer session with me. The answers to the questions just came, not much pre-meditated thought, just ask and answer.

Mum, Beth, 56. Dad would be 60. Brother Jordon is 30 with 2 kids.
Mum not really religious
She had a job in Aus, but not a career.
No 'real' job now, living of a private pension of some sort. Lives in the same town as Jordon.
Not a doting mum, sometimes affectionate.
She'd vote labour because they believe in education.
High school diploma, and then university later in life. Started when the kids were young.
Was encouraged by the dad, supportive of her doing Open Learning style education while they were travelling.
Their relationship was good. It didn't seem romantic, but mum was quiet and aloof by nature anyway. If we were playing, she'd look over a bit, but she'd read or stare out the window or look at the flowers or garden. Didn't seem to care if we yelled or banged things about.
Beth is practical, but dreamy. a little vague and seemed detached. But would sometimes come over and play... really play with us... but just for a while.
Mum liked music, classical symphony but not opera, maybe a little jazz.
She cooked. She was a great sweets cook and pretty ok main meal cook.
Sas & mum got along. There were so many distractions all the time though... travel, new homes, organising dad, him organising us, that because of our natures, we got along. We're both kinda non-confrontational...avoid-ers, and independent in each our own strange ways.
Jordon was the favourite.
Mum may have a Private consulting business... like nutrition or planning long term holidays for families.
She's filling her days with books, more gardening, gardening shows, baby sitting, fairs & meeting with the ladies for a coffee and biscuit.
They would all catch up at Christmas for sure, but it is a bit of an absent relationship. Not that personal. Holly comments that its a myth that most family relationships are personal.
Mums vagueness annoys Saskia. Saskia is not at all vague.

re Sydney plans:
She looks at what she wants to see in Sydney. Looks where they are, books some YHA accommodation, dorm, small dorm, ladies only, book the whole time in one place.
She'd pack the night before if it was an early flight, and the same day if it wasn't. Well travelled, efficient packer.
She couldn't be bothered dragging a computer around, so she doesn't hire that. Has been considering a phone with a net connection, happy to use net cafe. Maybe kinda likes the net-cafe thing, feels like travel, and net cafes were what she grew up with overseas.

question from Jane that stuck with me: What happens when her interactions have a deeper meaning?

August 29

2008-08-31T00:28:00.000-07:00

Day Four

Borders:

Mags selected for her: Vogue Italia / Frankie / Russh / Nylon / Yen

Yen was the fav

Asked for a regular latte. Said Emma not Saskia... so instinctual when someone asks what your name is, good to keep practicing with that. Second time, when asking for water, the confident Saskia was out.

For me, the physicality of Saskia is a really important key in to Saskia

People do respond differently to her, they watch her, she watches them. Not unfriendly though, just curious.

She lost herself in the mag, then back out into the people, then bam, back in to the mags again. In , out , in , out. Holly noted that she's animated in her response to the magazines, but in the way of someone who spend time alone and doesn't need to smile to be smiled at. She smiles for herself.

Playing with wires behind her, tapping leg, movement in her body, figeting. Holly said that is seems like someone, at some point, has told her she can never just sit on a chair.

From Holly: would she send a postcard to someone everyday from her new places? Is this something she might do?

She's decisive on orders, she knows what she watns.

Looking through the mags, likes what I'd call a Berlin aesthetic (from my own memory of it), which is bold colours on blank canvasses. LIked reading little bits of information on strangers.

Question: Does she really get to know anyone? And if so, who does she choose to know?

Seems quite immediate in her ways, she's here and now.

Sydney references in the mags take on a different light considering the previous discussions Holly and I had about Saskia being in Sydney.

Image from the cafe: a young exchange student with an old, red-coated granny. Different generations and different worlds. This sparked the thought that Saskia and her grans relationship is the strongest family relationship she has. Granny is all accepting and gutsy. Born in Germany, came to the Barossa as a young woman all on her own. The story of a older woman I met coming to Oz by herself from Italy is being woven into this piece of Saskia's life. The wish to be free has been passed on from grandma to granddaughter, but perhaps missed the mum,.

Starting to get the feeling that Saskia isn't sentimental, that she doesn't dwell.

Question: What does she carry of other people.

Holly asked if Saskia might have a item of meaning in her life? I had thought about that the other day, and think that she would have a ring. Nothing flashy, but meaningful, and she could loose everything else, but if she lost this ring, she's be pissed off.

Holly asked about what has she got in the way of possestionns? The family home was packed up and put into storage. Mum has a lot of that stuff with her in country Vic where she lives close to the brother, Jordon, but Saskia has access to what is left her in Adelaide. There is a shipping container that sits on the yard of an old friend of familys business property near the port. She was able to rummage through when she got back. She bought a bed.

Seeing a young family together at Borders and thinking, 'We never had that, but it might be nice to have one', as in, her being a parent not going back and having another, better child-hood.

Clothes Shopping, David Jones ladies department:

Assistants didn't ask me if I wanted anything at any time, even though I was carrying a pile of clothes.

Saskia didn't feel bad asking the sales lady at the cosmetics counter for information on the products, and then when asked is she'd like to book an appointment replied, 'No I don't. I really have no idea what I'll feel like doing in an hour. Want to keep it free'. And the sales lady had no problem with that either... Absolutely fine, she said. Just come back if you want some more info'. She responded openly when spoken to openly.

The dress assistant: She knocked and changed room and called out if I was fine for sizes. I came out of the dressing room, she asked if I found anything, replied, 'I just don't feel summer today. Its not warm enough, and its not summer enough and I'm just not inspired to buy, Can't do it today.' Pretty damn honest about how she's feeling, she responds to questions just how it is. Me, emm, feels guilty and apologetic in those situations. Hence why I rarely go into those places.

There's no hesitation with price. Saskia feels she can try on what she likes.

Text from Sally: Hey Sas. Can't wk out wot to wear 2nite (its date night). Any ideas? Think seduction xxx. Reply: Dress, deep V, maybe those beads I brought back? Hot. x

Reasonable price for a dress $150-$300, plain tops, $70

If Holly hadn't gotten me out of character, she would of kept going for quite a while. She would of got out of David Jones due to the lack of choice and go looking for some greener, less conservative pastures.

in Gymnasium, a styled 2nd hand shop, Rundle Street:

A tag fell off an item. She picks it up, attaches it back to the garment, puts it back and DOESN'T look to see if people are watching her. She is unself-conscious about such an action, I would look around being sorry through my physicality somehow- but she isn't sorry. Direct movements coming from direct intentions.

People, shop assistants, leave her alone.

In NAKED (another clothing store, new clothes), a shop girl asked How did it go? when walked out of dressing room with a pile of clothes. Reply: 'I can't buy today. I've tired, but I'm not hot, I'm not cold, the sky isn't blue and its actually not making me want to have anything,' And the shop assistant said, "I know how you feel"- like the dialogue had with the waitress in The Lipton at the Port re The Idea of North & what a great title it was for a band. She incites conversation meaningfully, honestly.

Saskia is like a walking SMS: succinct, clear, now, not wasted- potential overall aesthetic thoughts with this character trait.

After thoughts:

Holly and I can see how she fits aesthetically into the world. Public interactions getting clearer. She's not a chatter, no chit-chat, and every response is honest, not mediated. She's an outsider who owns it.

Music Shop:

Beck & Cat power-free (these were the 2 disks selected at the end of the session).

Music is something we should more. One of the hardest elements to access without getting myself so involved.

We relate to music emotionally, so music brings up some great challenges. What is her emotional life? What is her emotional response to music and memory.

She's someone who is here & now, not nostalgic about the past and looks forward. Its all kinda new.

Saskia asks: 'What is some good english speaking music?'. They replied, 'What do you like?' Reply: 'Songs that tell a story'.

The shop folk were very helpful, couldn't have cared a less that Saskia had been overseas for 6 years.

Question: Her Sexuality. Not in a gay or straight way, but does she care about sex, & how much does she care about it?

Holly's response: Best way to do this is to go our in character. Not just to see how she responds to others, or how people respond to her, but how she sees people being intimate. What the question?

Response: Listening to music with a different, aware ear... that is the ear of a character with a different set personality factors... songs are so much about love.

Overall impression of Big Star: The people were funny, cool. She'd go back there. It had 'the boots factor' I was talking about re. The Lipton.

General after thoughts:

Saskia around 26 years old.

She doesn't take long to not like something. Appreciate it, but not like it. Decisive.

The response to image of family and music was interesting because it is about her emotional life, tapping in to those deeper character levels.

August 28

2008-08-31T00:27:00.001-07:00

day 3

Any lines within ' and ' are thoughts has in character.

Space B,

the lounge room:

1st Impro, no one home-

Physically, relaxed, floppy, definite interest in music (Rip it Up), happy to try Sally's face products left on the floor, didn't notice the up-turned cup... well, did notice but didn't care, loose legs, happy to take the space.

Wasn't lonely...does that say something about the space or the triggers within space.

Rip it up Mag related: the action of looking for something to do, using it as a tool to engage, possibly connect through music to engage in cultures that she has a connection to.

She is not defined by a career. When you aren't, it really changes your whole perception of time, immediate and future.

There's no one she answers to.

2nd Impo:

Sally and the boyfriend are now next door.

Not too fussed. Sat up straighter, tidied a bit, picked up 2 out of the 3 dirty mugs to take to the kitchen. Not all three... a bit of a half arsed cleaner it may seem. Got up and left after a small time, if there was a t.v on in the room though, may of switched that on.

Public Space

Lipton Cafe

Loose and swingy physically, confident, very comfortable with physicality, has a swagger, moves like a lady, likes touching her hairs, is happy to be totally present in the cafe.

Sits down, pulls up the chair and puts a leg on it.

She's happy to look, engage with people.

She's dominant

Interesting and interested

The Idea of the North... a band she sees a poster for and begins to chat to the barrister about. They have a half-meaningful conversation about it. Maybe will get a copy of the poster.

She ordered a macciato, had sugar. Consciously not using aussie slang in speech when asking for things.

She could of stayed in the cafe for an hour. Would of ordered some fruit toast or a pastry, a hot chocolate or another coffee.

She would come back to the cafe. She's comfortable here, bar chairs cool. Maybe has a smokey-New Orleans /Spanish bar aesthetic- there's a bit of boots n wooden floors and scotch in her, grounding in music.

came to a point where, after being confident in the eyes of the group of 3 to her right, there was a moment of feeling foreign. There's a group, they're friends, I'm alone, I'm out, I'm noticed. Saskia was noticed.

The question again: What now? Where to now?...not in a physical sense but the 'high' of engaging about a subject with the barrister, of feeling like you and them are the same, just fell away.

So what do you do? reach for a mag.

The mag was called 'Australian destinations' of which Adelaide looked the most boring. So plastic. The pictures and people. Esp. considering the environment in at the time.. the lipton and the port...vibrant and alive and a little sad sometimes.

Something different about being in Spain and being noticed as opposed to being in the Lipton and being noticed. In one place I would be noticed anyway, but in the other, Saskia wouldn't be necessarily. But she was, she did stand out. Is the overseas Saskia too 'something' for Australia... too big. I got that feeling from the group thatmaybe she was.

What does it mean to be confident in Australia?

Saw a picture of the Eyre Peninsula in the mag. A long stretch of beach with sand and stones. That's where she wants to go next.

SOMEwhere, in the debrief, came the fear of building a boring character and therefore a boring story. Holly says good to bring it up, and then let it go. Everyone she has worked with says that at some point.

Salvo's

Didn't find the sunglasses I wanted to find for Saskia. She sticks around through, she has no time constraints- she'll stay, look again and again

Text from Sally asking her to stay out on friday night cos Sally is making a hot date with her boyfriend. First thought, ' Oh god, where do I have to go?' A reminder that there are few people she knows here. But then, it was more about a mate having a great night with their guy. Saskia responds with: 'Oh god, are you going to have lots of loud sex? I can find somewhere no problem'.

There's a confidence in her texting language, she's a familiar texter maye.

She's direct. 'There's no point in not being direct because I don't have anyone to be subtle for.'

She's not a big op-shopper, an occasional. Maybe a more antiquy, boutiquey style of 2nd hand suits better.

Influences: Saskia has travelled through Spain, Italy, germany... all countries full of strong ladies. That can also be very intuitive.

in the kitchen impo

alone in the house, around 10am.

Song in mind is i kissed a girl...fun, kinda trashy, not very 'cultural'.

Wondered is she should just go back to bed. Why not? But coffee won.

She ahs a need to make some noise... if there was a radio around she might have switched it on, then off, then on. Loud yawns.

Perching on the bench (she perches, not sits) with the question 'Where to next? I could go and chase that picture (from The Lipton).

A text from friend in Spain. Its a happy text, it's lovely to be missed, she's not missed in Oz. She is a careless place... in more than one sense.

Made her wonder what 'here', what 'home' is meant to be. That world of Spain very familiar, unlike Oz.

In her mind, where she is is where she is, for good or bad. But in a way, she is exploring here as well, and that exploration and finding is still pleasant.

Came home, had done exploring Spain, needed roots, life, a future.

phone-calls to hairdresser and The Gov

Emma says Umm hi, Saskia wouldn't.

Saskia's Phone call voice very different to one on one voice. More timid. Me, as Emma, found the phone impro strange. You really go back into yourself.

August 28

2008-08-31T00:27:00.000-07:00